Healthy Dreams | Personal Post

Pour yourself a glass of wine because I'm keeping things real today. 

It isn't uncommon to find myself staring off into space daydreaming. Day dreaming about Caynay, the what if's, the things I want to accomplish, the comparison of how many weddings I need vs how many weddings I want. Then there are the dreams about publication, about speaking, about teaching. They are all ideas and dreams that swirl my head and most days they drive me forward. Most days they make me feel gitty with excitement. I get lost in those "what if's" far too often. Lost in the high that comes with building your own business and seeing it's successes.

But what about the days that they feel dark and heavy. The days that I am stuck in a rut that just doesn't seem to have a light at the end. I am a critical realist by nature. Constantly riding that high and then being slammed down to the ground with reality.

It's work. It's all work.
The front page of Google. Work.
Publications. Work.
Growing your foundation. Work.
Serving your clients. Work.
Maintaining relationships (both personal and business). Work.
Keeping your head above water. Work.
Grounding yourself. Work.

It's work that I enjoy but on some days it's an overwhelming reality that I just don't want to tackle. I don't want to work for the front page of Google, I don't want to submit my work to publications and I think a lot of it has to do with the cloud of possibilities and the possibility I'm most afraid of? Failure.

Growing up in an itty bitty town where everyone knows your ins and outs I grew up with the fear of judgement. With the fear of what if I screw up? What if I make a mistake? & sure enough I did make my fair share of mistakes. With those mistakes the one piece I worried about most? What will everyone think of me.. My dad worked real hard when I was growing up to teach me not to care about what others think. To ride my own wave and power through because I am strong woman.. I wish it would have worked because frankly I care way too much about what others think. 

But you just have to wake up and push through. So I'm pushing through the fear. Setting aside the concern for judgement. Pushing away the thoughts of failure. I'll accomplish those dreams some day. I know I will. I'll power through all and get to the top of where I want to be. But for now I'm just going to keep dreaming. Building that core foundation because no successful business has a weak backbone.